○ is a person who enjoys lonesome. ○ doesn’t like to go out. When a message comes in, ○ thinks about it for 30 seconds to reply. ○ is afraid of invitations. When someone approaches her, ○ would like to stay at a certain distance. It seems like ○ condenses the whole universe into her own little shelter room. ○ is a woman who enjoys lonesome.

It’s another rainy day. ○ ‘s room doesn’t have a curtain. ○ put the window sticker instead. It makes the window rendered grey. ○ thinks rainy days are quiet, quieter than sunny days. As if all extremes rotated into tenderness. And ○ enjoy this rainy day.

“Buh-doop.” The sound of the message coming breaks the silence. ○ look at the screen. It said “How are you?” ○ found it hard to reply. ○ doesn’t want to reply. ○ doesn’t know how to reply.

It’s A who is texting ○. The last talk they had didn’t end up well. It was a sunny Friday. A jump into ○ in the supermarket. They had a catch-up and A asked ○ why ○ never contacts her? Why is A always the one who approaches her first? ○ answered it honestly, “I don’t know what to say. My life is simple, there is nothing that I can share about.” A wasn’t happy about the answer. A thought ○ doesn’t treat her as a friend. Actually, ○ didn’t mean anything harmful. ○ is just a woman who enjoys lonesome.

↑ is a person who always looks up. ↑ hits the building, the study, the cloud, and reality. ↑ always move forward but not backward. ↑ has dry eyes, sore back, and a floating brain. ↑ doesn’t know how to stop. ↑ just look up.

↑ wants to be on top, but there are always things higher than ↑, taller than ↑, stronger than ↑, and prettier than ↑. ↑ cry but he couldn’t even see the teardrop. ↑ wants to shout but the position of looking up numb ↑’s throat and sound. ↑ has never seen his reflection in the mirror, therefore, ↑ only know himself from others’ opinion. ↑ looks up but ↑ is always down.

↑ is in a panic because of his position of looking up and moving forward. ↑ is afraid of what is in the back, in the front, and in the future. D is a robot and a friend. D doesn’t have emotions. ↑ asked D for comfort and help. D is surprised ↑ is down. For D, it is very confusing that ↑ is down since the blue motion doesn’t exist in the robotic world. They hugged but ↑ is not better, and D feels nothing.

↶ is a person living in the clouds who is constantly sad. The sadness that ↶ hold in her body is twisting the surrounding. ↶’s sunflower is dying because of her sadness. The outside is blue because of ↶’s sadness. ↶ has been staying in her room for 5 days because of her sadness. ↶’s life stopped because of her sadness. ↶ is swallowed by sadness.

↶’s finger is on the keyboard for 3 hours now trying to send this email that has been postponed for a week. The left over tea stares at the only word - “Hello” in the beginning of the email wondering if it will be drank any soon. It is a really important email to ask for someone to do something for ↶. The sad thing is, ↶ doesn’t think she is that important for anyone to do anything for her. Asking became hard. Even the question mark became aggressive when ↶ types it. ↶ doesn’t want this, but apparently, ↶ needs to do it. ↶ sips the tea and try to evade the email by thinking of other options.

D tells ↶ that she will try everything to help her. But D also said she has nothing to offer. E says she will ask for ↶ but she also hasn’t reply ↶’s message for 2 weeks. F said she will do some research for ↶ but she doesn’t even know what ↶ is doing. ↶ is grateful that they promised such things but ↶ already know that she is a burden considering this situation. It is just her who is not trying hard enough. It is just the sad her who is a dust of this planet who doesn’t deserve anything.

↶ grabs the tissue for the tears from sadness. This roll of tissue paper is running out. ↶ cried a lot. F suggested ↶ to not care that much. Yet, ↶ is running out of time. ↶’s time is like this roll of tissue paper, ↶ used it as many as she want when it is new. Now, ↶ have to use it one by one since it is almost finish. The tea is flowing on the table, but her tissue is not enough anymore. ↶ haven’t go out for 5 days. She needs more tissue paper and the sunflower in her room needs more sunlight. ↶ asks her sunflower, ”Why do we have to parasites on the sun and still gets sunburn?” ↶ hasn’t be happy for a long time.

↶ brings the sunflower outside, dig into the clouds and find a new roll of tissue paper. The sun is probably helping. ↶ is no longer sad anymore. The sunflower likes it outside, so ↶ says her goodbye and swim back to her room in the clouds since the email is still not sent. However, the left over tea in her room had turned into oceans. The goldfish is swimming inside tea ocean with confusion. Then, it started to rain. The thunder light is like paparazzi from the sky trying to capture ↶’s worthless life.↶ carefully closed the door, and go for more rolls of tissue paper.

𒀸 is a person who is in pain. 𒀸's pain is not seeable at all. 𒀸 experienced it inside 𒀸's belly, head, eyes, and soul. 𒀸 don't cry. 𒀸 thinks tear is for sadness but the pain 𒀸 is experiencing is madness. 𒀸 feels like everything she touches are spiky and offensive. 𒀸 is with pain that doesn't have its reason.

It's 23:30. 𒀸 scrolled on social media after doing the daily dishes. On social media, C shared that she won a championship for a well-known award. C is a proud sibling of 𒀸 who has the confidence of gold and the ability of god. When C aims for a goal, she goes for it without anything stopping her, even mountains of dishes, an empty fridge, hunger, or even herself.

𒀸 felt extremely happy about C's achievement but at the same time anxiety grows bigger and bigger while scrolling through her social media. 𒀸's breathing got heavier this time and this strange emotion was just like a dagger in 𒀸's heart. The ache of the soul is alerting. The blocks of feeds of social media are laughing at 𒀸 for her ugly pain. Suddenly, C’s message came and asked, “what are you doing recently?” 𒀸 says no word. Actually, 𒀸 has nothing to say. The nothingness crash 𒀸. The aches became angry emotions because 𒀸 has not done anything but dishes, laundry, groceries, and counting pennies. 𒀸 felt helpless. Or a better word, 𒀸 is jealous of C. 𒀸 cried but not with tears but with blood that comes out of 𒀸's heart. 𒀸 is just too ashamed to admit the jealousy so it grows into unspoken pain.

Ȕ is a person who is afraid to be forgotten. Ȕ’s life goal is to not bother anyone. Ȕ thinks Ȕ doesn’t worth it. Ȕ micro self into a tiny tiny bit. The only thing left is a smile. Ȕ is kind to anyone. Ȕ help whoever asks for help. Fulfilling others makes Ȕ feel valuable and not being forgotten, but the only thing Ȕ want others only remember is the smile.

B is a neighbour. She texted Ȕ, “I need to tell you something!” Ȕ is afraid. Ȕ doesn’t know what Ȕ has done that needs to require a talk. Ȕ stares at the exclamation mark at the end of the sentence and considers it might be a serious problem that B wants to talk about. Ȕ starts to recall what happened nowadays that might bothered B.

“Maybe it was yesterday that I was too tired so I didn’t give nice responses?”
“Maybe it was the last time we ate dinner together and I accidentally ate the last piece of bean?”
“Maybe I forgot my headphones frequently, so she got mad that I borrowed them too often?”
“Or maybe it was my exhaustiveness yesterday disturbing her a bit?”
Ȕ is so nervous. Ȕ thinks Ȕ got too close to B so Ȕ became relaxed sometimes. It might be that Ȕ crosses the line or be not polite.

”knock knock.“ B is back. Ȕ opens the door with a smile, but actually, Ȕ is almost crying. Ȕ asked with a trembling voice, “What’s wrong?” B answered with excitement, “I brought a new fish! Then the fish in the aquarium will not be alone anymore!”

~ is a person with long and wavy hair. ~’s wavy hair is in front of her eyes, in her ears and invading her brain. ~‘s head is too heavy to think. ~ always hears noises when people say things. ~‘s world is dark since she has to see things in between her long and wavy hair.

Today, ~ has an enormous headache. ~ gave her long hair a hot bath but the moisture just made it even heavier. ~‘s neck has to tilt and let her hair flow on one side, and 10 minute on the other side to keep the balance.

“How is this even possibly bare-able?” ~ questioned herself.

Outside, it is thundering and lightning. ~‘s head hurts like a nutshell that is about to crack. There is no light in ~’s eyes, but her eyes are hurting so much. ~ opens the fan to blow her hair and cool down her brain. The fan is trying its best but the hair is just too heavy, it doesn’t move an inch. ~ wants her short hair back. The short hair that flies freely in the wind. The short hair that doesn’t bother ~ in her mind, the iconic short hair that looks like nothing else but ~ herself. ~’s hair now takes a lot of courage and time to look this wavy and nice. The time ~ spends on her hair is longer than the moment she likes herself. The sad thing is, people around ~ think the wavy long hair IS ~.

~ got tons of compliments for having wavy long hair.
“I like you in this, you look so pretty!” A once said.
“Why does ~ keep short hair all these years? She looks amazing with wavy long hair” A’s mom said to A.
“You look so much better. I love the new you!” M said. ~ got triggered and asked, “Why is that?” M responds, “Well… it is not like you were ugly, but you know… THIS is the thing everyone appreciated and wanted to see. It sparks you!”

So that’s it. ~’s original short hair is in fact not likable, advertisable, desirable and valuable. The world wants the ~ that has to struggle with long, tangled hair. The world wants ~ to have less time for thinking but untangle the mess the whole day. It is not what ~ used to, not what ~ enjoy doing, not what ~ is. ~ hate her long hair, but it is too far, ~ can’t cut it. ~’s hair is in her eyes, in her ears, in the tea she is drinking and the path she is stepping on. Everything including ~’s uncertain heart is now successfully covered by her long hair.

~ gazes at the world in between her hair and whispers, “At least you are successful, I can not do anything about you. I can not cut you. I can not un-see you. Although you are nothing like me, you are me now.”



There is no one who can untie ~'s long tangle wavy hair. There is a way that eases the pressure of the heavy hair. ~ sometimes go to the river and float like a star. The water replaces the wind and carry ~'s hair for her. Her face can finally be in front of her hair and she gets to look at the full sky while floating. Of course, it is not allowed to float forever on the river because boats go by and people say hi. The only possible way is to float on an open sea where no one sees. However, ~ is not ready for this commitment yet.
~ is tiptoeing the lake and not having the full courage to go for the whole open water. It is sad, but the hair is growing inside out but not outside in. So, somehow it is ~'s decision to stay with this wavy long hair. ~ did this to herself.

§ is a person who can not start a sentence with ‘I’. In a conversation, § always thinks of others’ perspective before itself. § is made out of water. In this world, instead of §, everything is spiky cactuses. Therefore, § serves these cactuses, cares for them, waters them and gets hurt by them. § gets needle holes on its body each day and ends up looking like a reverse cactus.

§ tries to speak about these holes. However, § can not say ‘I’ since § is made out of water and water always reflects others' opinions. § tries to be spiky water and mimicking others to defend itself, but § often forgets how to be angry and § is also bad at being spiky. Therefore, most of the time, § stays in the flexible water form. In the water form, instead of saying ‘I’, § always starts the sentence with ‘sorry’.

§ lives in a grey corner of this world. It’s a Friday, a cactus named K is knocking on §’s door with an upset beat. K is always very opinionated about everything in this world. For K, there is right and there is wrong. There is no grey area in K’s opinion.

“Hi?” § opens the door a tiny bit and sounds very anxious.
“Dude, something is very wrong about you! We need to TALK!” K’s voice is very loud and every time there is an ‘i’ sound in his sentence, § 's water body wiggles and a spike from § grows.
§ has several doubts just by the sentences K just said. First, § is not a dude. Second, § doesn’t really like to talk. Third, K is looking very spiky and scary. However, seeing K is quite upset, § doesn’t mention the doubts since all § wants is first to calm K down. Also, K hasn’t gotten to his point yet. For this reason, § decided to listen first. After this train of thought went by §’s brain, § replied “Sorry… Ok… What's the 'wrong' that you mentioned?”
K has a big sigh and becomes more spiky which breaks the door of §’s house. K doesn’t notice he broke §’s house cause it is made out of water. K says, “You are in this grey corner, you should be on my side which is the right side! It is a big mistake to live like this. How dare you?”

§ is freaking out since the house started to collapse. § is angry and crying but K is not aware of any of it since § is made out of water. § wants to respond to its opinion but § can not say ‘I’ and its body is reflecting K’s standpoint which makes some sense in some way. Yet, § still tries to grow spikes and speak up. In K’s vision, § is just keeping its silence like it agreed. Then K says, “Hey! Listen! I am not being mean. I just think I need to let you know!”

After dropping his opinion, K left. § is very angry and full on spikes now. § carefully walks out the house which is half damaged. § try to find a standing point on the spikes it just grew. Other cactuses see § and scowl. They comment on §, “Uhh! Stop being so offensive!”
§ reflected all the opinions and feeling bad to be this spiky. Then, § turn back into crystal clear water.

ࡇ is a person who wants to do nothing. ࡇ lie down on the bed and try to feel useless. ࡇ thinks wouldn’t it be the best feeling in this entire universe? ࡇ looks at the ceiling and searching for the possibility of gaining the freedom to stop trying.  Yet, those are just thoughts.

‘Ding Dong’ the phone happily sings. After two minutes of lying on the bed, a message from B broke ࡇ's thoughts. “I'm thinking of our conversation yesterday. And have you tried this?”, B sent a voice memo and a link.

ࡇ looks at the question mark and swallows a big sigh from his throat. The next second, B called. She asked, “Have you tried it?” ࡇ got same answer from yesterday. “I have tried my best… No, I didn’t get any response yet.”

B continued to mention what she found and what she considered the action ࡇ should take. More links were coming in this tiny screen ࡇ was holding. ࡇ tried to open all of them, but ࡇ’s eyes are already so blurred with with tears that ࡇ can not read anymore. ࡇ take a deep breath and respond politely, “If I know anything new, I will immediately let you know. Is that ok?”
B senses ࡇ’s tiredness and carefully says, “umm… ok…? Then… Did you consider the proposal I made a few days ago? I imagine it to be big with the color of the ocean. The summer is coming.”
ࡇ spaces out. He is spacing out for the summer and the ocean B mentioned in his sentence. It is the hottest day of the year outside. ࡇ is thinking of the possibility of blaming the sun for the reason he doesn’t want to try and dive into the ocean for escaping the sun. Yet, it is just a thought, B’s voice calls him back.
B said, ”What do you think?” To not disappoint B, ࡇ responded, “It’s probably fine.”

B hangs up the phone and ࡇ wets his pillow with tears. ࡇ is trying so hard to do these things ࡇ is not good at. ࡇ is trying his best to compromise and make his existence valuable, but it is not enough. It is never enough. Often, ࡇ feels like a cloud of dust that has been pushed by the winds, tasks, quests, messages, suggestions and phone rings. The phone is ringing. B calls again.
“I just want to say you should go and ask them! You should approach them. I mean, you take take initiative!”
”Did you improve your profile? I am looking at yours and thinking maybe it is better to modify it a little bit. Check out C's profile, she put so many things to show that he is capable. You should do the same.”
”What do you think? Are you going to ask her in person?”

ࡇ melts under the sun. ࡇ is lying on his bed and thinking of the universe that people owns the freedom to stop trying. Yet, it is just a thought. It is not in this universe. The entire universe doesn’t stop rotating. ࡇ can never do nothing.